Edge: A Highly Unlikely Scenario, or; a Neetsa Pizza Employee’s Guide to Saving the World

A Highly Unlikely Scenario by Rachel CantorA Highly Unlikely Scenario, or; a Neetsa Pizza Employee’s Guide to Saving the World by Rachel Cantor

[In our Edge of the Universe column, we review mainstream authors that incorporate elements of speculative fiction into their “literary” work. However you want to label them, we hope you’ll enjoy discussing these books with us.]

When I distill down my responses to Rachel Cantor’s debut novel, A Highly Unlikely Scenario, or; a Neetsa Pizza Employee’s Guide to Saving the World, I find that what moved me the most profoundly was the main character, Leonard’s, relationship with his nephew, Felix. Leonard’s connection to his now-dead grandfather is important, and Sally the neo-Baconian librarian (not that kind of Bacon! Roger Bacon) is a great character, but Leonard’s support of vulnerable Felix stayed with me through all the book’s twists and turns.

Leonard works for Neetsa Pizza, a fast food conglomerate that bases its pizzas on the principles of Pythagoras. He does not work in a restaurant — rather, in a garage apartment that he has converted, per Neetsa specs, to a “white room.” Leonard addresses customer complaints through Good Listening, Compassion and the judicious application of free Neetsa Pizza gift coupons.

Leonard’s sister, Carol, works for Jack-o-Bites, a Scottish fast-food conglomerate and steals food from work, like bite-sized haggis, for the family. She also belongs to an anarchist book club. I loved the anarchist book club! How do they schedule their meetings? Aside from walking Felix home from the school “caravan” stop each day, Leonard does not venture outside. He answers his calls and spends free time secretly asking questions of a website called The Brazen Head. His life in this world, which is not quite ours, seems planned out ahead of him in a straight line — until one night when he gets a call from his dead grandfather. Later, a man named Milione calls him, from his prison cell in Genoa. We know Milione better as Marco Polo.

Cantor’s book is a charming literary whirlwind about a surrealist alternate-present, where the nation is ruled by a Leader, and fast food employees battle each other in the streets; where the Brazen Head is the font of knowledge; and where fashion is, well, interesting — and about time travel to the thirteenth century; Kabbalahistic mysteries; about amazing karate kicks and being bullied; about how we get knowledge and how we get wisdom, and most of all, about family.

Is it science fiction? Probably not. Cantor’s stylistic choices — no quotation marks, for instance; short chapters with folktale-like titles — put it more in the literary camp. There is an alternate world, though, and time travel. There is also magic. Felix can see certain things in a different way, and so can Sally, while Leonard’s talent, as we already know, is listening. Listening and seeing, two ways we receive knowledge.

I love this book. I delight in Cantor’s imaginative details and the humor, especially the fast food kingdoms, like Neetsa Pizza:

His phone logs continued to fill, he seemed even to be increasing his conversion rate, for which accomplishment NP sent him a semiprecious, metal-plated, equilateral calzone.

Characters like Leonard’s grandfather, who calls him “boychik,” (of course) and the thirteenth century mystical rabbi Blind Isaac sound like Jewish stand-up comedians from the Adirondacks in the 1950s, and that works, too.

You understand nothing, boychik, but you have the potential to understand much. This is why I choose you. This, and I have no choice.

I don’t think A Highly Unlikely Scenario is perfect. Sally is an interesting character, very different from Leonard, but the love story is never given time to blossom. The suspense of the love story is further undermined by Isaac, who tells Leonard Sally is the one for him before he even meets her. Still, Cantor’s strange present world, and the scenes of crowded, chaotic, dirty, aromatic thirteenth-century Rome are vivid and authentic and as I said at the opening, Leonard’s loyalty to Felix, his commitment not just to protect him, but to nurture him, makes this book very sweet and a little out of the ordinary.

Not everyone is going to like it. The no-quotation-mark choice may put some people off. Science fiction purists may be a little disappointed in the present-world because there is no explanation of how we got there. A Highly Unlikely Scenario, or; a Neetsa Pizza Employee’s Guide to Saving the World is for someone who wants a literary read, or a speculative fiction read, that’s different. If you have friends who like Karen Russell and Kate Atkinson but “hate” science fiction, this is just the book to suggest. You might make a convert. Who knows?

Publication Date: January 14, 2014. “Cosmic and comic, full of philosophy, mysticism and celestial whimsy. Both profoundly wild and wildly profound.” —Charles Yu, author of How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe In the not-too-distant future, competing giant fast food factions rule the world. Leonard works for Neetsa Pizza, the Pythagorean pizza chain, in a lonely but highly surveilled home office, answering calls on his complaints hotline. It’s a boring job, but he likes it—there’s a set answer for every scenario, and he never has to leave the house. Except then he starts getting calls from Marco, who claims to be a thirteenth-century explorer just returned from Cathay. And what do you say to a caller like that? Plus, Neetsa Pizza doesn’t like it when you go off script. Meanwhile, Leonard’s sister keeps disappearing on secret missions with her “book club,” leaving him to take care of his nephew, which means Leonard has to go outside. And outside is where the trouble starts. A dazzling debut novel wherein medieval Kabbalists, rare book librarians, and Latter-Day Baconians skirmish for control over secret mystical knowledge, and one Neetsa Pizza employee discovers that you can’t save the world with pizza coupons.

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MARION DEEDS is retired from a 35-year career with county government, where she met enough interesting characters and heard enough zany stories to inspire at least two trilogies’ worth of fantasy fiction. Currently she spends part of her time working at a local used bookstore. She is an aspiring writer herself and, in the 1990s, had short fiction published in small magazines like Night Terrors, Aberrations, and in the cross-genre anthology The Magic Within. On her blog Deeds & Words, she reviews many types of books and follows developments in food policy and other topics.

View all posts by Marion Deeds

2 comments

  1. This looks like something I’d really love!

  2. It’s fun and thought provoking, Kat.

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