Lucy’s Blade by John Lambshead
Sir Francis Walsingham, Queen Elizabeth’s spymaster, has asked Dr. John Dee to summon a demon so he can ask it questions about who is threatening the queen. Just as the demon arrives, though, something goes wrong and the demon jumps into the body of Lady Lucy Dennys, Walsingham’s pretty ward. The demon, who calls herself Lilith, endows Lucy with superpowers, so when England is threatened by malevolent forces, Lucy starts kicking ass in her petticoats. I like the premise and plot of John Lambshead’s Lucy’s Blade and its science-fantasy twist… Lucy’s Blade was unique and diverting, but it didn’t meet its potential, mostly because it simply lacked style… Read the rest.
The prose you quoted sounds painful.
That was a particularly bad example (or good example, maybe), but the whole thing is pretty choppy. It’s too bad because otherwise it would have been fun.