A. Lee Martinez

Gil's All Fright Diner — (2005) Publisher: Bloodier than Fried Green Tomatoes! Funnier than The Texas Chainsaw Massacre! Welcome to Gil's All Night Diner, where zombie attacks are a regular occurrence and you never know what might be lurking in the freezer... Duke and Earl are just passing through Rockwood county in their pick-up truck when they stop at the Diner for a quick bite to eat. They aren't planning to stick around-until Loretta, the eatery's owner, offers them $100 to take care of her zombie problem. Given that Duke is a werewolf and Earl's a vampire, this looks right up their alley. But the shambling dead are just the tip of a particularly spiky iceberg. Seems someone's out to drive Loretta from the Diner, and more than willing to raise a little Hell on Earth if that's what it takes. Before Duke and Earl get to the bottom of the Diner's troubles, they'll run into such otherworldly complications as undead cattle, an amorous ghost, a jailbait sorceress, and the terrifying occult power of pig-latin. And maybe — just maybe — the End of the World, too. Gory, sexy, and flat-out hilarious, Gil's All Fright Diner will tickle your funnybone — before ripping it out of its socket!

In the Company of Ogres — (2006) Publisher: An uproarious new novel in the tradition of Robert Asprin and Terry Pratchett! For someone who's immortal, Never Dead Ned manages to die with alarming frequency — he just has the annoying habit of rising from the grave. But this soldier might be better dead than face his latest assignment. Ogre Company is the legion's dumping ground — a motley, undisciplined group of monsters whose leaders tend to die under somewhat questionable circumstances. That's where Ned's rather unique talents come in. As Ogre Company's newly appointed commander, Ned finds himself in charge of such fine examples of military prowess as a moonstruck Amazon, a very big (and very polite) two-headed ogre, a seductively scaly siren, a blind oracle who can hear (and smell) the future, a suicidal goblin daredevil pilot, a walking tree with a chip on its shoulder, and a suspiciously goblinesque orc. Ned has only six months to whip the Ogre Company into shape or face an even more hideous assignment, but that's not the worst of his problems. Because now that Ned has found out why he keeps returning from dead, he has to do everything he can to stay alive... In the Company of Ogres does for fantasy, what A. Lee Martinez's previous novel, Gil's All Fright Diner, did for horror — and elves and goblins may never be the same!

In the Company of Ogres

When I read fantasy comedy, I compare it to Terry Pratchett. In many ways, In the Company of Ogres resembles many of Pratchett's Discworld novels in the sense that a) it actually is quite funny and b) it makes fun of existing fantasy tropes and elements.

A. Lee Martinez, however, has his own distinguishable style which is evident in In the Company of Ogres. His writing style is quite functional and isn't weighed down with flowery prose or detailed descriptions. In fact, perhaps some would say it can be too sparse at times and relies on the reader's familiarity with fantasy clichés.

As for the plot, I was impressed that Martinez manages to successfully juggle three antagonists. And, despite the impression that it's a funny novel, In the Company of Ogres can get dark at times. The moments when the characters are serious are truly dramatic and Martinez is careful about not spoiling the scene by randomly throwing in a satiric episode.

Overall In the Company of Ogres is an enjoyable read full of action and character growth. If you're looking for something to tickle your funny bone that has an actual story, you might want to check out In the Company of Ogres. —Charles Tan (guest)
FanLit thanks Charles Tan from Bibliophile Stalker for contributing this guest review.

A Nameless Witch — (2007) Publisher: A tale of vengeance, true love, and cannibalism. Being born undead can have its disadvantages, such as eternal youth and flawless beauty —things most unsuitable for a witch. Hiding behind the guise of a grimy old crone, the witch is content living outside Fort Stalwart with her unlikely band of allies: a troll named Gwurm, an enchanted broom, and a demonic duck named Newt. She leads a simple life filled with spells, potions, and the occasional curse. So when a White Knight arrives at Fort Stalwart, the witch knows her days of peace are at an end. The Knight is just days in front of a horde of ravenous goblings, and Fort Stalwart lies right in the horde’s path. But the goblings are just the first wave of danger, and soon the witch and the Knight must combine forces on a perilous quest to stop a mad sorcerer from destroying the world. Filled with menace, monsters, and magic, A Nameless Witch is a properly witchly read by the award-winning author of Gil’s All Fright Diner and In the Company of Ogres.

Too Many Curses — (2008) Publisher: The wizard Margle the Horrendous takes special pride in never killing his enemies. Instead, he transforms them into various accursed forms and locks them away in his castle. His halls are filled with his collection of fallen heroes and defeated villains, along with a few ordinary folk who were just unfortunate enough to draw Margle ’s attention. It’s Nessy’s duty to tend this castle. It’s a lot of work, but she manages, taking pride in housekeeping talents that keep the castle from collapsing into chaos. But when Margle suddenly dies, everything begins to unravel. Nessy finds herself surrounded by monsters, curses, a door that should never be opened, and one very deadly dark wizardess. Nessy doesn’t have might or magic on her side; she’s just a kobold: short, furry, and sensible. Her allies aren’t much better: a voice without a body, an angry fruit bat, a monster under her bed, a wizard in a jar (or some of him, anyway), and a one-eyed, one-horned, flying, purple, people eater. It would be smarter to walk away, but taking care of the castle is Nessy’s job, and that’s just what she intends to do. If only she could find time to polish the silver while beating back the forces of darkness.

Monster — (2009) Pest Control isn’t just for the raccoon in your attic, it’s also for the yeti gobbling down ice cream in the freezer of your local grocery store. When Judy has a run in with her first yeti, she calls Monster, the only pest control specialist qualified to handle such a situation. But Monster has his own home-grown problems, like his new workload, a hectoring assistant, and a succubus girlfriend from Hell — literally. With more and more creatures appearing around the city, it will be up to Monster and Judy to throw aside their differences, figure out what exactly is going on in their town, how they can stop it, and why it just might mean the end of the world as they know it.

Monster

In this humorous paranormal fantasy, a young human by the name of Monster works for a subsidiary of the local animal control services. This agency locates and captures cryptobiologicals: "things that go bump in the night." Aptly named Monster hunts and captures trolls, unicorns, yetis, dragons and all sorts of animals with his employee, a sixth dimension paper gnome.

Monster's life is thrown upside down when he meets Judy, a seemingly normal human woman, a bit down on her luck, but otherwise just as incapable of seeing the creepy-crawlies Monster captures as anyone else. But it seems that no matter where Judy goes, more and more cryptobiologicals keep appearing. Meanwhile, an evil old granny by the name of Lotus is seeking to capture and subjugate Judy for a nefarious purpose. It is up to Monster to save Judy and in doing so, save the world as we know it (much as he hates the idea).

Though the plot is simple, it is the plausible world and humorous dialogue that makes this story fun to read. Like Terry Pratchett's Making Money or Going Postal, much of the humor is derived from Monster's exasperation with the events unfolding around him. His succubus girlfriend is driving him crazy with her demands, his paper gnome employee keeps lecturing him about right and wrong, and poor Judy is unable to remember the magical events around her unless she wears a mind altering rune on her forehead. Poor Monster is stuck being the adult — something this beer-guzzling, TV-watching, unambitious man never wanted.

A. Lee Martinez, unlike other paranormal fantasists, explains why people don't see all the crytpobiologicals. For one, magic is leaking out of the world and so they are rarer events. But secondly, it is not so much that people don't encounter magic, it is simply that they are not able to remember the events, due to a shrinking over their lifetime of one part of the brain. This is why children see the goblins in their closet while adults don't. Only magic is able to temporaily overcome this for the "incognizants" such as Judy.

The narrative moves quite quickly from action sequence to action sequence. The story is be no means character driven, although Monster is quite a character. He is not well-rounded, being more of a loser-who-saves-world archetype. That does not mean that the story is in any way unenjoyable. Martinez is perhaps a bit repetitious in what happens to Monster, though the bright spots of humor, such as the final argument between Monster and his succubus girlfriend, take the edge off that repetition. Like a Jim Hines or Robert Asprin, the humor is part and parcel of the story, and each event has its moments of levity combined with absorbing action.

Monster is a good example of why people like this humorous fantasist. The story is full of action, wry humor, and plausible world-building. Monster is an engrossing and funny paranormal fantasy.
—John Ottinger
FanLit thanks John Ottinger III from Grasping for the Wind for contributing this guest review.

Divine Misfortune — (2010) Publisher: Like many people in this world, Phil and Terry are just looking for their personal slice of divine assistance. It’s not their fault that they decide to settle on Lucky, a raccoon god of good fortune. At first, everything seems to be working fine. But they will soon learn that the world of divine powers is not to be entered into casually. Lucky, it seems, had a falling out with another ancient god long ago. And while Lucky has moved on with his life, the ancient twisted deity is still nursing a grudge. Add to this a scorned goddess looking for revenge and it starts to become clear that Phil and Terry may have taken on more than they ever bargained for.

Chasing the Moon — (2011) Publisher: Diana's life was in a rut — she hated her job, she was perpetually single, and she needed a place to live. But then the perfect apartment came along. It seemed too good to be true — because it was. As it turns out, the apartment was already inhabited — by monsters. Vom the Hungering was the first to greet Diana and to warn her that his sole purpose in life was to eat everything in his path. This poses a problem for Diana since she's in his path... and is forbidden from ever leaving the apartment. It turns out though that there are older and more ancient monstrous entities afoot — ones who want to devour the moon and destroy the world as we know it. Can Diana, Vom, and the other horrors stop this from happening? Maybe if they can get Vom to stop eating everything... and everyone.

Chasing the Moon

Diana’s had a tough time of it lately, but finally a stroke of luck comes along: after a long search, she finds the perfect apartment. It’s affordable. It’s furnished exactly the way she likes. There’s even a jukebox with all her favorite songs. Maybe she should have been more suspicious about how perfect it was, because once she’s moved in, she discovers that the apartment has an extra inhabitant: a monster who goes by the name Vom the Hungering and who tries to eat everything in his path. Before Diana knows it, she has acquired a small menagerie of eldritch horrors from the beyond, and she learns that the universe is infinitely more complex — and dangerous — than she ever imagined.

Chasing the Moon is an unabashedly zany comedic fantasy that combines Douglas Adams-style humor and a protagonist who could be the sister of Bridget Jones with horror in the vein of H.P. Lovecraft. It reads like a Twilight Zone episode with unusually expensive special effects and a team of writers who were smoking suspicious substances. It’s hard to imagine the words “cheerful” and “apocalyptic” applying to the same novel, but Publishers Weekly’s cover blurb is 100% correct: Chasing the Moon is just that novel.

The early story focuses mostly on Diana as she gets settled in the apartment with Vom the Hungering, who soon informs her that he has 2,014 stomachs and an eating disorder that causes him to eat everything he sees, except for broccoli. As the novel progresses, more monsters appear, some of whom want to devour the Earth while others only want to eat the Moon, which may or may not bring on Ragnarok and the heat death of the entire universe.

The novel has a plot, sure, but the jokes play a much more important part in making Chasing the Moon a success. The sense of humor here reminded me of that brilliant bit in one of Douglas Adams’s HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY novels about a truck driver who’s always complaining because, no matter where he goes, it’s always raining. He’s come up with fifty words for rain, and he has a notebook to prove that, really, it’s always raining wherever he goes. People make fun of him and call him “old Rain Drops Keep Falling on My Head” because he never stops complaining. Eventually it turns out the guy is unwittingly a Rain God and, well, the clouds really just want to make him happy and “to be near Him, to love Him, to cherish Him and to water Him.” It’s this kind of hilariously goofy humor with a supernatural twist that makes Chasing the Moon tick. Maybe I just picked up this book at exactly the right moment, because I just couldn’t stop grinning and chuckling and occasionally laughing out loud at the jokes.

Now, it may be more accurate to say “variations on a joke”, because if Chasing the Moon has one weakness, it is that it’s a one-joke book. That joke involves people acting normal and/or pissed off at horrors straight from an intense Call of Cthulhu session who act completely different from what you’d expect. Occasionally Vom & co. fight over who gets to ride shotgun when they’re out and about. At one point, Diana bops a monster on the nose (or nose-like appendage) with a rolled up newspaper, as if admonishing a wayward puppy. The real running gag of this novel is that the monsters act like a combination of untrained pets and constantly bickering six-year-olds on a sugar high, and after a while, Diana gets over the gibbering waves of fear and treats them accordingly. Don’t get me wrong: this book is one of the funniest I’ve read in ages, but that doesn’t change the fact that some variation would have been welcome.

To make up for some of the recurring jokes, A. Lee Martinez has great comedic timing and a wonderfully sly tone to his prose, as if he’s secretly telling you a joke about someone while they’re looking away. Here’s an example from early in the book, about an annoying and pompous character who is responding to a simple “Lovely night, isn’t it?”:

Greg nodded in that familiar, rehearsed, faraway manner. It was meant to be wise and thoughtful, but came across as ponderous and slow-witted. As if his brain were a rusty collection of gears that had to simultaneously process the question and crank his neck.

I’ve seen A. Lee Martinez referred to as the “American Pratchett.” Now, I’m a major Terry Pratchett geek. Major with a capital M, actually. I’ve read every DISCWORLD book, most of them multiple times, as well as more or less everything else Pratchett has written. I’ve met the author a few times. Much as it pains me to admit it here, I even regularly play an online DISCWORLD game and have been doing so for over a decade. So when people call any author “the American Pratchett”, I tend to get a bit skeptical, to say the least.

After reading Chasing the Moon, however, I would actually agree that there’s something to it, as long as you’re talking about the Pratchett who wrote, say, the first few DISCWORLD books, when the setting wasn’t so fully realized yet and the characters hadn’t acquired as much depth and it was still more about getting as many jokes as possible onto each page rather than about social commentary and serious themes. In other words, before Pratchett became a writer who occasionally got “accused of literature,” as his bio used to say.

If you’re in the mood for an early-Pratchett-style, somewhat goofy comedic fantasy that’s heavy on the laughs and light on depth, then Chasing the Moon by A. Lee Martinez is a great choice. As mentioned before, it’s a bit of a one-joke show, but that didn’t spoil the fun for me because, hey, the joke is a good one. Maybe the best compliment I can give this novel, though, is that I am planning to read everything else A. Lee Martinez has written. If you pick Chasing the Moon up at the right moment, you’ll have a blast with it. —Stefan Raets (retired)
Stefan has retired from FanLit's staff. You can read his newest reviews at his blog, Far Beyond Reality.

Emperor Mollusk Vs. the Sinister Brain — (2012) Publisher: Emperor Mollusk. Intergalactic Menace. Destroyer of Worlds. Conqueror of Other Worlds. Mad Genius. Ex-Warlord of Earth. Not bad for a guy without a spine. But what's a villain to do after he's done... everything. With no new ambitions, he's happy to pitch in and solve the energy crisis or repel aliens invaders should the need arise, but if he had his way, he'd prefer to be left alone to explore the boundaries of dangerous science. Just as a hobby, of course. Retirement isn't easy though. If the boredom doesn't get him, there's always the Venusians. Or the Saturnites. Or the Mercurials. Or... well, you get the idea. If that wasn't bad enough, there's also the assassins of a legendary death cult and an up-and-coming megalomaniac (as brilliant as he is bodiless) who have marked Emperor for their own nefarious purposes. But Mollusk isn't about to let the Earth slip out of his own tentacles and into the less capable clutches of another. So it's time to dust off the old death ray and come out of retirement. Except this time, he's not out to rule the world. He's out to save it from the peril of THE SINISTER BRAIN!

Emperor Mollusk Versus the Sinister Brain

Everyone knows that that the invertebrates of Neptune are the most intelligent minds in the galaxy. That’s how, years ago, a bored mollusk from Neptune was able to conquer the Earth and set himself up as Warlord. To subdue the planet he had to use a few nasty tricks such as doping the water supply with anti-aggression drugs, but now that he has all of humanity under his tentacle, Emperor Mollusk is actually a pretty swell guy and he has even developed a soft spot (or should I say “softer spot”) for planet Earth, though he’ll be quick to tell you that he’s not reformed — just retired. Nowadays, he spends most of his time tinkering in his laboratory and coming up with ways to solve Earth’s numerous problems. He fixed the energy crisis long ago and so far he’s been able to protect Earth from aliens from Mars, Venus, and Saturn. Pretty good for a slimy cephalopod that you could easily squash under the heel of your boot.

Unfortunately, most of Emperor Mollusk’s experiments on Earth tend to cause unexpected and dastardly consequences, and the emperor usually ends up needing to develop even more brilliant solutions to the problems he created. Emperor Mollusk Versus the Sinister Brain is an account of the Emperor’s various adventures as he attempts to save humans from all the disasters that would not have befallen them if the Emperor had never set his slippery tentacle on the planet in the first place. Disasters such as an island of radioactive dinosaurs, giant fireants, missing countries, an anti-time radio, and the rampaging brain of Madam Curie. He even has to deal with assassins from Atlantis, killer scorpions, a clone of himself, and the sinister brain who wants to challenge him for world domination.

Emperor Mollusk Versus the Sinister Brain, A. Lee Martinez’s newest novel, is a hilariously wacky story with a preposterous premise, impossible characters, and an absurd plot. I’m rather picky about humorous fantasy so I’m surprised that I enjoyed the non-stop comedy here, but Martinez has his pacing down and he knows exactly when to stop. I like Martinez’s bizarre situations and droll sense of humor, and he balances all of it with a well-developed protagonist who we can’t help but love, even though he’s slimy (literally) and he keeps telling us he’s an evil overlord.

Fans of Douglas Adams’ THE HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY shouldn’t miss Emperor Mollusk Versus the Sinister Brain. Let me highly recommend the audio version produced by Audible Frontiers and performed by actor Scott Aiello. This was the first time I’d heard Mr. Aiello (he is a new narrator) and I was extremely impressed with his performance — he made the novel even funnier. He was absolutely perfect for this role and I look forward to hearing more from him in the future. —Kat Hooper