Derek Benz

Grey Griffins — (2006-2008) Ages 9-12. With J.S. Lewis. Publisher: Max Sumner and his three best friends, Harley, Ernie, and Natalia — who form the secret club The Grey Griffins — seem to be the only people in their very normal Minnesota town to notice that strange things have started to happen. When creatures like goblins and fairies and unicorns, all characters from a card game the Grey Griffins play, begin to make appearances in Max's backyard, Max and his friends know something is terribly wrong. And it's up to them to stop the wicked creatures of the cards from destroying their town-indeed, their world.

The Revenge of the Shadow King

I couldn't finish Derek Benz's The Revenge of the Shadow King, even after giving it a second chance. The story felt too contrived, and the writing was full of misplaced or overused similes. For example, when we meet Dennis, the bully, he is first described as "hulking." Then he has a "formidable shadow." Then, "Dennis was every bit as strong as he looked...[he] was as big as a bull moose." Then, Dennis is a "mutant — a freak of nature," a "juggernaut of ill intentions and bad breath," a "giant," a "Goliath," and "oaf," and his fists were "the size of a brick (and twice as hard)." Then "the giant [grunts] a toothy grimace ... his massive frame casting long shadows over the whispering students as the crowd pushed to get out of his way."

This is simply too much. Pick one and go with it. Hulking is fine, a formidable shadow is fine too. But then we have more similes and metaphors than we need, and some don't make sense. A sixth grader doesn't have fists the size of bricks...or twice as hard. And you just can't say that in a book where you want the reader to take you seriously. It's one thing to say that whimsically, but then the entire book needs to be whimsical. This, I am quite certain, was a book meant to be taken seriously.

We were introduced to Dennis when he was about to beat up Ernie, one of the Grey Griffins, and a friend of Max (the main character who is rich and popular but whose divorced parents don't seem to care about him). Max steps in before the hulking juggernaut of an oaf can hurt Ernie, and my expectation — even with all of the heavy handed descriptions of Dennis — was that Max would be a deterrent to this. Just a chapter before he was receiving tutoring in the fine arts of kung fu by someone who is too talented to be his teacher, and who knows too much about something. Regardless, with the workout that Max was put through, and the evident skill that he has because of these lessons, he is not shown to be formidable. Max admits to himself that he knows he's in for a beating.

I have tremendous respect for anybody that even tries to write a book and more yet for anyone who finishes one. I think Studs Terkel once said, "Writing is easy. Sit in front of your typewriter and open a vein."

But The Revenge of the Shadow King reads like a rough draft, or at the very least, a draft submitted to a publisher waiting for an editor to hone it. It seems to me that publishers have less and less respect for children's fantasy, as I'm coming across more and more books that are one editor away from being a great read. I don't know if this would fall into the great read category (there was mention of Max being descended from King Arthur...that's asking for too much suspension of disbelief), but it certainly was one editor away from being a good read. Tight, well crafted prose can tell almost any story.  —Todd   Comments
Adapted from a review originally published 10/2006